A D asked: I came back home after spending the better part of a decade in the US. I went there to get an education, a goal I managed to complete just halfway through. So now I’m doing my MBA and getting certified as a Chartered Accountant - mostly so I can distract myself from my family.
I know its selfish but I hate the custom in our country of living with your family - the whole joint family system. The only reason I even agreed to it is because I feel so guilty every time I think of parting ways. My parents are in the worst fucking health of any person their age I’ve ever seen. Ma has migraines, thyroid problems, Endomitrium problems, Oedema, Anxiety, everything - shes always complaining of her head hurting, her legs hurting, her stomach burning. Dad’s liver went bad a few years ago and coupled with his stubborn refusal to care about his diet he’s become a wraith.
I’m convinced the other half of their health and attitude is due to depression. A genetic condition inherited by my brother and I has depressed them to the point that they link the solution to all their unhappiness with our being magically cured which is fucking impossible unless gene therapy becomes commonplace to the third world as Tylenol. I’ve learned to live with my condition but my brother though has some visible physical attributes that have changed. This leads to my parents crying about once a week. My brother doesn’t help the situation either he has the worst mood in the universe, he is immature and selfish, incredibly stingy and despite getting married when he was obviously not ready he now seals himself off from the rest of us and argues and fights inside his room. His wife while very nice is no fresh air either. Ma and Dad have asked if he wants to leave and even asked him to but no cigar. He insists he stays for us, which delights us but it is obviously not the real case and we know it.
Since my brother and his bride lock themselves away from the family (We live in the same house if you want to imagine how awkward it is) I’m the one who has to deal with my parents. And it doesn’t help that my parents are the sort of people who should never have gotten married. They are absolutely incompatible. 16 years in age differences, completely different temperaments, different senses of humor, no understanding, its a wonder they didn’t divorce. Actually I know why, it’s because it’s frowned upon here, which is fine but still. My mother either can’t stop talking about how unfair life is or how everything is so expensive, or how my brother and his wife are selfish or how Dad is wrong or how much her body hurts. My father meanwhile is either always distant or in a bad mood or always sulking, in some part to me being closer to my mother. I can’t exactly help that because he wasn’t very involved when we were young, while Ma was.
What’s worse is that is that some day’s instead of the negative atmosphere floating around, some days there is this air around the house as if we’re waiting for something - Ma and Dad usually sit in the living room waiting for us to say something or do something or I don’t know what. I wish I was the entertaining kind. I used to be when I was young but my siblings rivalry for attention and competitive anger has all but ruined that.
I used to be so much fun, I used to have friends, a life, I’d party or hangout, study, work, do stuff and be happy. Now I do nothing but go to work, study or stay at home. But with my family’s constant anxiety, health problems, depression and resignation to despair, I find myself wanting to…I dont even know, curse because I can’t do anything else. I used to be depressed and even went to a psychiatrist but then realized there was no point to even feeling anything. I’ve even quit smoking cigarettes. There’s no bloody point once the 5 minute buzz is gone. That and it hurt my stomach.
The only plan I have right now is to ‘make it’ and then maybe help solve my family’s problems with money. That’s another reason I’m working and getting my MBA and trying to be a Chartered Accountant. Of course it doesn’t help that the atmosphere at home is utterly toxic to productive studying. Even my girlfriend keeps complaining about how I don’t appreciate her enough. Which leads to more arguments since I think I do and that I’m the one who isn’t appreciated enough despite all the shit I have to deal with. She’s depressed because of her home too so I can see where she’s coming from but…do you see my problem? I’m stuck 
and I can’t cry because it just doesn’t help me at all.
If anyone has read through this, I commend you. I feel like it would be a trip in sadland. I guess the best suggestion would be to go an shoot myself mate but then my family would be worse off with the misery of even more misfortune and so no that isn’t really an option, sorry.
Airlineticketprices
